So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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