Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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