i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
