Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
