I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
