Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
