I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
