but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
