hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
