do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
