Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
