does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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