I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
