I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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