Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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