He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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