So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
