she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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