??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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