is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
