I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
