i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
