If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Houston, we have a squirter
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
