He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
