god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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