guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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