I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
