I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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