also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
