i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You can't just leave with hair like that
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
