oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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