With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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