I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
two words...techno handjob
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
