I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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