..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Terrible idea I love it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
