that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
