dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
