I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
