My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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