it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
