he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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