So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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