He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
