piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
