At least make sure they are 18
Why
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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