She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
