I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
