Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
