but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
