No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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