she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
