I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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