god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
