..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
